Winners and Losers After going to countless ceremonies through the years for my daughter I came to the conclusion we are hurting our kids with award ceremonies. I really don’t need to explain what I mean, you already know. From soccer to band to cheerleading, it’s all the same. The “every kid is a winner” philosophy is a misplaced desire to build a child’s self esteem. Is there any doubt the concept was conceived by a loser? A child’s self esteem is going to be determined by a mom and a dad. If they don’t get the support at home every ribbon or trophy in the world is not going to make a child’s self esteem any better. Sure, they kid will feel good for 15 minutes after getting their trinket but what about the long term effect? How far does the “I tried” so I’m a winner thinking go? Answer, not far. By the time your in high-school the I tried approach doesn’t mean much when you score a 50 on a math test, at least I hope it doesn’t. That’s a whole other subject. What about their self esteem when the get the hard reality there really are winners and losers? Some of these same thinkers are the ones that expound, “winning isn’t everything” as a motto. To that I say, “No truer words could be spoken by a loser.” Trial and error, failure, and losing are the building blocks of improvement. Thomas Edison said, “ I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that won't work”. That’s what success in life is about, it’s not about being a winner every time but about never accepting failure as the conclusion. Ours kids need to lose, fail, and falter starting at a young age and as parents we need to show them how to make the most of those setbacks.
The “you’re a winner” generation is hitting the work force now and are easy to spot. They are the ones that have an excuse for every failure and of course it’s not their fault. They are the quitters because their feelings get hurt (low self esteem) when they fail and are reprimanded. They are the ones where the slightest setback is devastating. I work with them and so do you. I’m afraid many of those folks are lost forever. How this is filtering into our military really scares me. We can only hope the D.I’s can beat it out the kids. The 25 and under generation were nearly all subject to this cruel trick and only the ones who’s parents counteracted the influence or were lucky, or were genuinely constant winners have a chance to really succeed and be happy. We won’t change the politically correct, feels good, let’s be happy, establishment that controls our schools and society so what can we do? The only thing we can do as parents is make sure our kids understand that losing and failure really are negative and teach them ways to use the loss to make themselves a winner the next time or the next time, or the next time, or the next time… Dave |